A mothers thoughts on life

Feeling a bit better

I feel a lot more relaxed today. One of my old friends came for a visit, she will be staying for a long weekend. It just feels good having her over and to be able to talk to her about all sorts of things. I find myself smiling and laughing more. Not that my depression is gone, but I feel better.

We have been talking a lot, but also just hung out together.

I wish I had more friends like her!

Therapy update

Just a quick update on my therapy.

My first two EMDR sessions were fantastic and my fear of getting hyperemesis gravidarum more or less disappeared.

But while we did the EMDR we stumbled on some other issues and on my third EMDR session Pandora’s box was flung open!

So now I feel depressed and out of energy. But I am taking one day at the time and trying to keep positive even if it takes more effort to find the positive.

EMDR

Me and my husband have decided that we want to try to have another child. But before we start trying there are some things that I need to do, to prepare myself for the pregnancy.

So today I’m having my first EMDR session to deal with my experience of having hyperemesis gravidarum in my previous pregnancy.

 I have read about it but I’m still not really sure what to expect. I will keep you posted.

I used to really struggle with going to bed on time and I used to fail all the time. In the morning I would be tired, but forced to get up when my daughter would wake up. I was tired and irritable and I felt like I never got any work done.

Then we went on a 2 week vacation. Our daughter shared a room with us, so we would sleep when she slept. After 2 weeks of going to bed on time I decided that it was the right time to change.

Since we got home I have been getting up at 5:30 when my husband gets up. I’m tired when I just get up, but about 30 min later I’m ready to face the day.

Some days I have a session on the Wii Fit. Most of the days I manage to work at least one hour before my daughter wakes up. I have been more patient with my daughter. I’m tired in the evening, but I feel like I did get things done.

I’m in a positive spiral instead of a negative one!

I hate going to my doctor. No, I really HATE it!

I have had a fear of hospitals since I was about five years old. (More about that another time.)

Last night I didn’t go to bed until after 3 and I had to get up early to bring my daughter to nursery school.

In the afternoon I had an appointment with my doctor about my toe (it’s the 4th time in a year).

I also wanted to ask him about some discomfort that I have felt in my lungs since I started running again, but he told me there was no time for that! I had to make a new appointment for it.

When I left I just wanted to cry….

That’s the way I always feel when I go there on my own (with my daughter).

I just wish I had a doctor that cared about people. Why did he become a doctor if he doesn’t care about people. He is just rude and rushed. Never really has time for me. I don’t go if I don’t really need to.

Killing time

So here I am; up late again!

Nothing has really changed when it comes to my bedtime….

I’m not really sure why I do this to myself. Killing time like this.

Facebook, YouTube, Facebook, YouTube, Gmail, Facebook, YouTube….

What good does it do?

What a waste of time!!

Tomorrow I will try to cut back on the time killing. Just use my computer for important stuff like work….

And I will go to bed on time and really spend time with my wonderful daughter.

No more escaping to my virtual friends!

Running

A few weeks ago I started running again.

I’m on a 8 week running program with the goal of running 5 km.

I always use my iPod when I run and I am currently running with a podcast from running mate http://runningmate.podomatic.com/.

I’m supposed to run 3 times per week, but most weeks I only manage 2 times. I don’t move on to the next week unless  manage 3 times per week.

Running relaxes me, I feel less irritable and it also helps me fight off my depression. Makes me do things, makes me feel capable of doing things. 

Takes away the feeling of wanting to stay in bed all day.

And it’s fun to track the progress.